After 11 months of practice at fatherhood, I’d like to think I’ve mastered most of the day-to-day tasks that have made me freak out at one point or another. Putting on onesies no longer makes me sweat. Dealing with fountains of pee is now a piece of cake.

Still, there is one chore that still makes me spaz: Changing my squirmy daughter when she’s got a diaper full of poop.

No matter how hard I try to keep my cool during these situations, I inevitably lose my marbles.

We had an episode today. After her morning meal and morning reading session (we read the same five books after breakfast every day), L was quite literally stinking up her room. She needed a change. To make the process easier for myself (in other words, to capitalize on distractions such as the TV remote), I took her downstairs to do the job on the couch.

As soon as I got her diaper off, the kid started squirming. Orange poop (she’s been eating carrots this week) flew everywhere: On the couch, on my shirt and, perhaps most disgustingly, in the poor baby’s hair.

I wanted to stay calm, I really did. I reached for a wipe to clean the poop out of her hair, but that only made it worse. As the situation degraded into crisis, I became entranced, muttering “Poop in the hair, poop in the hair, poop in the hair” until it became like a mantra.

The poop explosion quite literally had stupefied me and thrown me off my game. Again.

Thankfully, Powergirl heard my cry and ran in to help. Somehow, my wife got the kid calm. Then, in about 60 seconds, she changed the diaper and got everything else cleaned up. I stood by in amazement, marveling at how the child’s mother took charge of the situation. Finally, when I managed to regain my composure, I took L upstairs to wash her hair.

I’ve been thinking about the entire episode ever since. Why does this remain the only situation to trigger meltdowns? How can I overcome it? Furthermore, how are these mothers capable of handling certain situations so instinctively?

Sooner or later, I’m sure, I’ll figure it all out. Until then, any thoughts on the subject (and advice) are welcome.