On the road again
I leave Thursday for another multi-night work trip. While I’ve traveled previously since L’s birth, something about this trip just feels different: for the first time, I feel like she might actually notice I’m not around.
No, I’m not so bold (or egocentric) as to say my six-month-old daughter is going to “miss” me. But I am saying that at some point between Thursday morning and Saturday evening (when I return), it might occur to her that the dorky guy with the stubble and silly laugh has disappeared for a while.
The mere possibility of this realization crushes me.
What if it creates fears of abandonment? What if she decides that because I left, I’m not as funny anymore? Worst, what if she doesn’t remember me when I return?
None of these fears existed the last time I went away; the baby was too young to notice anything that wasn’t a boob. This time, however, I’m legitimately freaked. I don’t want her to get used to my absence.
I’m sure all of these insecurities/concerns are ridiculous; most of the time (in case you haven’t picked up on it already), I think too much and end up worrying about absolutely nothing. Sure, over the next three days I likely will be distracted by the sights and sounds (and new hotels) of Las Vegas. But I’ll be thinking of my little girl all the while.
This post strikes a real chord with me. Every day when I leave the house for work there is a moment when I hand my boy back to his mum and he reaches out for more daddy cuddles. I then explain that “daddy’s going to work, see you later” and he waves from the front door as I leave. I know this doesn’t compare to staying away for multiple nights, but it still hurts a little. I truly sympathise with you.
Still, Vegas will be a (un)healthy distraction!
Nothing ridiculous about those concerns Matt. Every parent has ‘em. And I’m not sure they ever go away–I still wonder about these things when I travel.